François May's Factphobia.com

François May's Factphobia.com

Read about the facts that the media are afraid to discuss.
November 8, 2009

“Whatever works”, a film by Woody Allen

Reviewed by François May

 Perhaps it is a folly à un but I see in this film quite a bit more than what seemed to have met the eyes of most of the reviewers. It has been labeled everything from a complete miss to a somewhat Allenesque gag fest.

 If that is so, why did I and my perceptive spouse sense a tragic undercurrent pervading the substructure of the movie? Perhaps I should have said follie à deux, but follie is the wrong word. May I suggest awareness, sensitivity, or insight? While these self flattering words may appear to have come directly from the lead character of the movie, we do feel, after reading the reviews, very much like Boris Yelnikov hearing the babblings of the southern ingénue who takes refuge in his home.

 

Normally a movie character directly addressing the audience is a put-off which breaks the trance, but let us remember that it can enhance the theme (i.e. The Stage Manager of “Our Town”).  In this case, Boris faces us (“the audience”) at the onset of the film and spews forth a torrent of nihilism. Why this diversion? The movie could have simply evolved one scene after the next to its conclusion as is the traditional format. Allen wants to connect to us. It’s a desperate move.” Listen to my story of this nihilistic man” he cries and then implies “and perhaps his tale of redemption”.

 

The film then launches into a classic comedic “ménage à tout le monde”. The ingénue falls for Boris who seems to mellow or so he tells us, again facing the “audience”. The ingénue’s mother evolves from a fundamentalist Christian into a libertine artiste while succeeding in luring her daughter away from Boris into more conventional arms, Boris accepts the loss while musing on the incompatibility of superior intellects with just about everyone else, and of course we have the de rigueur “liberating” switch from hetero to gay by the formerly brutish husband of the ingénue’s mother. The dialogue is clever, funny and animated and the direction is lively as is true of most of the Allen genre.

 

Let me digress for a bit. It has been stated that Zero Mostel was supposed to have taken the central role. Mr. Mostel has been dead for a long time. So if Mr. Allen conceived this script at the time Mr. Mostel was alive, he had more than a bubbly comedy in mind. Mr. Mostel was an actor of great tragic proportions. In Mr. Allen film, “The Front”, Mr. Mostel threw himself out of a hotel window and of course Mostel was the unforgettable star of Ioneso’s “Rhinoceros”, a tragic figure indeed.

 

Back to “Whatever works”. In fact nothing works for the people in this film, especially Boris. They are all desperate to change into something, anything but their present selves.  Boris tries to force himself out of his Kierkegaard blackness, into a state of fatalism, the ingénue who had jumped into a lifeboat (“see, I’m happily married”, showing her wedding ring) now takes her mother’s advice.  In the final ensemble scene which occurs on New Year’s Eve, the newly configured couples merrily count down to the end of the old and the beginning of something else, anything else.  A sense of unease pierces the gaiety. As the Time Square ball drops I almost expected a sudden tragic act.    Whatever works? Allen says nothing works.

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September 1, 2009

Diet Cola Myth

The cost of my Medicare part B premium and that of most of my\ acquaintances has far exceeded the Cola increase for the past four years. This is so because the law to which you refer was abrogated by an addendum to the drug bill passed in the middle of the night. The price of part B premiums is based on a retiree’s gross income (not a.g.i.) including income from tax free instruments. As a result net Social Security checks have steadily decreased for many retirees. Considering that I and my employer paid the maximum social security payroll tax for my entire working life and in addition paid heavily into the madicare fund, it is odd to find myself with a social security check which after paying federal tax and deducting part B premiums is in the middle three figures.

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July 20, 2008

POOP PIPE LINE (a modest proposal)

                                    

Unbeknownst to most Americans, the US government has been working on a project which due to its sensitive nature has been given no publicity.
 

Most farmers in the Midwest have been spending substantial sums on synthetic fertilizer products; this in turn has raised farming costs and food prices. In former simpler days, crop raising farms were situated next to animal grazing lands.  Thus a natural source of fertilizer was at hand. But due to the high cost of farm land this is no longer the situation.
 

If you travel interstate route 5 in California from Los Angeles to San Francisco, you will eventually pass through the odiferous zone. The smell of massive amounts of animal waste rises from pungent pools, and permeates the nostrils of all who pass through. This situation repeats itself through many areas in the US. These wastes infiltrate the ground and can cause water and crop pollution.
 

At first a movement to eliminate these bovine and porcine creatures from the food source was tentatively suggested. But carnivores and restaurant interests successfully lobbied Congress out of it. However, the US government remained convinced that wasting these animal wastes was simply un-American and launched their initiative code named “The Poop Pipeline”.
 

The initial plan called for an above ground pipe line to be erected from California to Iowa with intermediate “poop drops” in Colorado and Nebraska. The waste would be sucked into the pipe line and would travel across the country bringing much needed relief to the farmers who would no longer be hostage to the greedy fertilizer producers.
 

The project was begun and at first the pipe line hewed close to existing power lines and was not noticed by most citizens, but as it started to stray into a few outlying backyards, curiosity arose and city councils heard comments at public hearings about “funny smells” Neighbors began to be suspicious of each other and comments like “what is going on in your back yard?” and “I better call the police, smells like a dead body” were heard. The government stopped the projects temporarily and then attached small reservoirs of permanent air fresheners (pine scent) at regular intervals along the pipe line.
 

A technical glitch developed in the transference of the waste at the point of origin of the pipe line. It seemed that the large pools still existed because the animals’ evacuating habits were not predictable and the benefits of eliminating the degradation of the ground water and gradual eradication of the odors were not achieved.
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Fortunately modern technology and the advances of animal husbandry solved the problem. It seemed that a doctor of vetenary medicine had been experimenting with a small device which when ingested by a cow or pig could control the performance of its daily duty. The device was tested at a large animal compound and the government officials were amazed. The cows and porcs actually queued at the pits according to species and the pre-set times.
 

The government decided to discretely solicit responses from key individuals; what it called the movers and shakers.
 

Senator Grassley of Iowa commented that he was in favor, providing that the Iowa farmers did not have to pay for the manure. He wanted it free or subsidized. “No pay for poop” was his final word.
 

Famed architect Frank Gehry said it was fine but the pipe should be made of a bright and reflective material and should “soar”.
 

A powerful member of the SPCA violently objected to inserting foreign material into “God’s creatures” until it was explained to her that the same device could be installed into her three Dobermans thus simplifying her daily walk routine and poop collecting duties.

An ex-CIA director, a prison warden, a former Secretary of Defense, and a Marine drill sergeant all asked the same question. They were told that more study would be required.

The Director of Homeland Security at first stated that it was a  tempting target for terrorists but when told that an addendum to the Patriot Act would be passed allowing  the wire tapping and searches without a warrant of all who came or lived within two miles of the poop pipeline, he became a gleeful convert.

The poop pipeline was begun. A small leak occurred as it crossed the Utah desert. Soon flowers and lush grass became abundant in that formerly barren spot and upon discovery by ousted Brigham Young students (“daters”) this was immediately taken as a divine sign and a new religion was born. Its adherents “cross” themselves by making the sign of the poop pipeline which would be described here, but it is a secret ritual and can not be divulged.
 

Look out for the poop pipe line coming to your neighborhood.

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July 10, 2008

Stocks Are An Illusion

The recent so called “credit crunch” has caused consternation world wide. It began when certain financial instruments, called CDO’s, started to “lose value” and eventually had no value at all. People started to ask: just what has value? Stocks fell, gold rose and the panic was on. While everyone has an explanation, no one is willing to face the hard truth:

Stocks values are an illusion.

Stocks are only pieces of paper which convention decrees have a “value”. But they are not backed by anything concrete. If you own a share of Microsoft or even a thousand, you do not “own” the company; you have no power. No matter what “analysts” say or write there are no immutable facts behind what they claim, only an illusion of logic. For instance why is it that Microsoft which earns a billion dollars each month, has forty billions dollars in the bank, and no debt, have a stock which has not moved in five years? There is no basis for this regardless of the reasons you may be given. The financial industry assigns value to these pieces of paper according to arcane parameters such as: “P/E ratios, growth, cash flow, EBDTA, book value, yield”, and many others constructed to fit the particular predilections of the broker or analyst “following the stock”. The fact is that all of these measures are illusory because the numbers behind them are subject to instantaneous change or are based upon other malleable data.

Take “growth”, for instance. Growth is usually measured by the increase year over year in a company’s total net profit. The greater the percentage increase the more the stock is “valued”. Assuming one trusts the figures given out by the company, this would be a simple measure, but the financial industry is never satisfied by simple measures. It is just not enough to say that the company has “grown” by ten percent during the previous year. It isn’t enough because those who bought the stock on that basis are now wondering if it will do as well next year .If it does not then the price of the stock may go down. What to do? The only answer is for someone to gauge the growth potential for next year and the year after that. Just who is this someone or better yet someones? These are the analysts, the managers of mutual funds, the pundits of Wall Street, and the executives of the company itself who usually provide “guidance”, a fancy term meaning an “educated guess” as to what the company will do next year or even next quarter, providing of course that the world remains more or less the same and that no unexpected event takes place.

But wait there is more: In addition to all the factors listed above a key ingredient determining a stock’s price is popularity. For those of you who remember your high school days, you may recall how one’s popularity unpredictably ebbed and flowed. If a consensus decides that a sector is waning all the stocks in that sector will decline, regardless of their so called individual worth. Often this “consensus” is not even a majority, but is a well organized cabal of speculators who want the stocks to go up, or down.
All of these parameters are like playing roulette with multiple white balls and you can only win if all of them fall exactly into the numbered slots which you have picked in advance of the spin of the wheel.

For those who want to “play” this stock market roulette, remember you are doing just that “playing” and please remember the old joke about the cowboy in the old west who was asked why he was placing bets on a roulette wheel even after he was told the wheel was crooked, replied: “I know but it’s the only wheel in town”.

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July 2, 2008

Warren Buffett Wants To Kick Me Out Of My House


When Arnold Schwartznegger was running for the California governorship, he imported Warren Buffett to give his campaign, he hoped, some financial patina. Mr. Buffett imediately started fulminating about how the mansion he owned in Laguna Hills, California, was taxed way below his, in his words, rather humble home in Omaha Nebraska. He blamed this “discrepancy” on proposition 13 which the voters forced on the California legislature creating a ceiling on property taxes based on the original purchase price.

Many years ago my friend had paid about $80k for his 1700 square foot home in a modest ocean side community. The home was now valued at $1 million and Buffett stated that my friend and those similarily situated should pay taxes on the present market value which would raise the property tax to $20,000.00 per year, an increase of$18,000 and which would force my friend to sell the home he has inhabited for 30 years thus leaving him to seek shelter in some modest condominium in a substantially less pleasant area.

Mr. Buffett did not get his way. Mr. Schwartznegger, knowing that any politician in California even casually uttering the words “proposition 13″ is immediately  impeached or worse, sent Mr. Buffett packing. However Mr. Buffett has continued to push  his agenda. He has said he could not vote for a Republican because it would be against his “social conscience”.

His name is now evoked by all the tax raisers in Congress. “Even Warren Buffett says that…” they cry as though we should genuflect and take Mr. Buffett’s views as sacrosanct  Let us not forget that Mr. Buffett’s social conscience has not stopped him from pushing his calorie loaded hot dogs with cheese spread , his cavity creating chocolates , his Bud Beer, and his steaks among other health foods.

Let us also remember that the cash cow of his Berkshire Hathaway empire is General Re, the capo di capo of “re-insurance companies” which backs the bets of other insurance companies for a slice of the pie.  Warren Buffett’s social conscience should not begin with the contents of YOUR wallet.

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Your income

How often have you head someone say: “I make 100k a year”. It sounds good doesn’t it, but it is not true, regardless of of what your w2 states at the top line. That is so because it is not the top line that matters. What matters is what is left for you to spend after all the taxes which are taken out. Often even that number is too high because after you file your income taxes both state and federal, you  find you owe ever more money. In most countries when people speak of their income, they almost always refer to their NET income. The government loves to mention the gross amount because it allows them to create animus toward those who sound like they are earning so much more. Actually a couple earning $250k per year pays approximately 55% of it in taxes which include state, social security, medicare, federal, and others. This reduces their take home pay down to $150k which to some may sound great, except that it means that each member of the couple only earned $75k. Another way to look at your income is to figure how many months you worked for the governments. If you have to pay 55% percent of your income you have worked for over 6 months for the privilege of living here. In the real world we should start talking about our net income and not the inflated figure of our gross take. It is time to stop kidding ourselves and others.

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April 20, 2007

knock-offs

When one buys a knock-off, one admits one’s inferiority. A plethora of web sites advertise knock-off watches and other imitation luxury goods. Anyone buying these items is essentially saying: “I can’t afford the real stuff, so I will settle for an imitation because that is all I am worth” It would be the same as saying, if you are a man, this blow up doll is good enough for me. Maybe they are trying to impress their “friends”with their phony Rolex, but all it takes is one person to say :”mine is real” but yours is a pitiful replica. They don’t make knock-off Bentleys and so when you hop into your Tercel after showing off your Movado replica, your true colors will be displayed.

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August 10, 2006

Thank God for the Iraq war?

Yes thank God for the Irak war. If President Bush and his acolytes had not invaded Iraq and thus had not seen the disaster which occurs when middle east lands are occupied, they would be now planning an attack on Iran. An attack on Iran would of course lead to a cascade of world traumas including the blocking of oil supplies by the sabotage of the gulf. We keep hearing how we are fighting an “asymetrical” war, but all wars short of nuclear will now be asymetrical because the very strength of the US (or Israel for that matter) leaves our opponents no choice and thus Iran would sink a few ships in the gulf and block oil supplies creating an economic apocalypse. Bush may not yet be convinced that we are not invincible, but it is hoped that Congress and maybe even the military (no, not really) would have the spine to resist and cut off the funds for such an adventure.

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July 14, 2006

Syria, Lebanon, Israel, etc..

When Syria abandoned Lebanon under pressure, I warned that it would obviously lead to a replay of when Lebanon was torn apart by what is called sectarian violence but what is really a set of disputes as to which Witch Doctor is right. Syria was keeping the peace in Lebanon even though it was exploiting it. Now Hezbollah is in control, unlodgeable by the so called Lebanese army and not a Syrian in sight to moderate them. Sure, Syria called for these acts of violence, but they would not have done so if they had still been in the country happily draining Lebanon’s treasury. Israel has nothing to loose by escalating. It is used to being hated and, frankly, my dear, it doesn’t give a dam. In fact it is the only policy that has a chance of eventually creating a somnolent peace among the exhausted populace. It is a small chance however since mutual distruction does not appear to be distasteful to either party. They did jump off a cliff, back in the day, didn’t they?

 

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July 1, 2006

It takes a math degree to park your car

If you know what a venn diagram is , you are one of the few who can park a car and feel reasonably sure you will not be fined by rapacious city administrators. As you anxiously scan the street for a spot to park  and eventually slide in carefully between two driveways, you note that a utility pole placed 30 feet away partially hidden by tree branches is festooned by a multitude of plackards placed vertically one above the other. These signs will read as follows: “No parking except by permit between six p.m. and 8 a.m. daily”, “No parking on Thursday between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. street cleaning”,” No parking on Monday, Friday , Saturday, tow away zone; holidays excepted”. There is also an additional sign placed so high, it takes binoculars to read it. A venn diagram is composed of intersecting circles each of which is labeled allowing you to see which sections are common and which are not. If you are adept at a) constructing them, and b) reading them, you have a fair chance of parking without incurring a stiff fine. The greedy city administrators are aware that this ability is not common  and shamelessly rip-off the public. Is there an answer to this raid on your pocket book? Yes. Insist on a law allowing only one condition for legal parking such as “Parking allowed only on Wednsday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.”

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